I need (MY) SPACE

Interaction with Prof. G. Haragopal turned into very insightful interaction I had in this month. It is obvious that being with or listening to wise and experienced personality adds a lot to your life. At the same time, I recalled previous interactions with some of my readers. They “demanded” me to write on Human relationship. For time being I slothfully ignored their wish by saying that I am not emotionally and mentally prepared to critically examine relationships either it is between citizen and state or between two individuals. But after listening to eminent people like Prof. G. Haragopal and Jay Vasavada I feel bit confident about my view points in regard to human relationship.

Every form of relationship is based on reciprocity and mutual consent of sharing resources. By resources I mean every kind of resources i.e. either material or immaterial. Most of human relationships are based on sharing immaterial resources like time and space. People understands such “Sharing” as love. Love for others is actually an opportunity for self to go beyond (own self) and understand other’s self. Such “good” thing comes at cost of time and space. For instance “spending” TIME with loved one is mere act of getting warmth and affection from others at cost of time. We all have to PAY something or other in order to maintain this business of gives (time) and get (warmth or love). Personally speaking, failure to pay resources can lead to failure in receiving emotional resources also. For this it is very much needed to understand nature of relationship (not the nature of person, it keeps on changing with time) ;).
Time is a crucial component of any relationship. All the species on this earth is provided equal resource of time in other words, we all have 24 hours to spend. Our personality and relationships are depended on the way of we use these 24 hours. In this regard, relationships can be easily categorized into two parts i.e. extensive relationships and intensive relationships.
By extensive relationships I mean, relationships which demands more resources than  you willing to give. For instance, we have allocated 8 hours for work(or job) from 24 hours but  it is not exactly 8 hours we work !!! rather we work more or less than 8 hours. This relationship between employer and employee are demanding in terms of mental, physical, spatial and emotional efforts which is reimbursed in monetary terms. While by Intensive relationships I mean relationships which is a willing effort for resource(time) allocation. For instance time spent with our love ones. As humans we all have tendency and willingness to spend MORE TIME with family and friends. This kind of relationship is not demanding but is an emotional and mental requirement for self-fulfillment.
The reason for sharing this views here is that most of our relationships are “jumbled” and we always try to get all relationships in order for example work-life balance. We (especially people at my age) all face  difficulty in prioritizing  relationships due our ambitions, career goals, greed to earn power and money etc.  I would like to share my views quickly and briefly (so that you don’t have SPEND more TIME) J
  • Respect SPACE and TIME of others, failure to this can lead to crisis in relationship
  • Remember that you have same 24 hours which others got, make best use of it; invest it, spend it but don’t waste it
  • Application of your labor(your work) should be for value creation for self and society instead of monetary gain, labour applied of monetary gains often leads to stress in relationships
  • Spend at least 10 hours a week for your self, develop a hobby which can keep allow you to be more humane or creative. Remember this is an investment which has long term returns
  • Never ever try to constrain space and time of others, it is not offence but it is dangerous for relationships.
  • Organize your self in terms of spending(investing)time, but do n't be too strict, after all we are not calendars or clock.
  • Be flexible, keep your plan B ready in case deciding or planning something. Doing so will allow you to safeguarded from the uncertainties of time.
  • Never loose visions from ultimate goal, i.e. happiness; arrange and manage your time, space and relationships by keeping this goal in mind.
  • Never ever blame persons or institution for emotional distress, instead try to find answer why he/she did this? Is he/she selfish ? why he/she is selfish? etc. 

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Before hour, I was discussing my favorite "Bhagvad Geeta" with a 'regular' blogger. It was really brain storming conversation over whatsapp. At the end of conversation she wrote JSK (Jay Shree Krishna). In  Gujarat state, Jay Shree Krishna(Hail Lord Krishna) is common and respected way of greeting Good Bye.

It was normal conduct to me but what inspired my thoughts on JSK is the newer format of adopting traditional thoughts and practices. One side, we Indians are surrendering ourselves to the modern applications of technology and life style and at the same time we are not able to leave our traditional mindset. This situation in fact has created newer ways for creative expression our traditions. For instances most of university functions or events are traditionally named but the events are inspired by modern and western ideas., I even found some rock bands named traditionally Whats problem in this ? actually nothing !!! except our consciousness about our acts.

While thinking on this topic, I came across the speech of Jay Vasavada, an eminent young gujarati scholar Jay, recently published his book titled "JSK" which is an illustrated interpretation of Geeta for my generation, which is damn active on internet than being in real life.  Unfortunately, I didn't get chance to read this book but I was very impressed Vasavada's speech at religious conference held at Mahuva, a small town of Gujarat state. This speech was well knit of concepts, methods and presentation. All that arrogant educational institutes who thinks religion as illusion, needs to look at this speech and try grasp the potentials for social research within the realm of religion, that too being damn logical and scientific.

Coming back to my point, I always admired Geeta for several reason but Jay's speech allowed to put it in words. Unlike other religious scriptures Geeta gives 'license' to be scientific and rational in understanding the idea called god and the system called religion. It do not say to obey 'commandments' nor it provides guidelines for 'moral code of conduct'. It is called upon as song of lord, not as order of god. It gives methods and perception through which one can choose and justify his own truth. In this sense Geeta outlines way of being rational in every condition. In simple words, Geeta tells about, you should eat it ice cream not just because you like it, but you should rather think for the reasons why you like ice cream and then enjoy the taste of ice cream as if you are having ice cream for last time. To understand Geeta is actually simple task but for human minds, simple is always complex. Simply stating, ice cream is easy to galp but we have to make some effort to chew dry fruits within that ice cream. This thought me allowed me think about emerging point of sufferings in our life. Briefly and quickly I am putting that in words here :

According to My interpretation of Geeta fear is base of hatred(even Aristotle agrees to this). Hatred is base of anger. For instance, I am afraid of pet dog in neighbor's house, I won't visit his house just because of I am afraid of dog, rather i will say that I hate people who has dog as pet, I may even quarrel and argue on same topic with my neighbor, in short start disliking my neighbor. His every act even of his pet dog will irritate me and I may become angry on him.

Hatred produced by anger again produce anger and this cycle leads to suffering. Surrounded by sufferings individual feels depression and stress. And we all know that, depression and stress is not at all good for development of rationality and Intel among humans. Rather this situation leads to decline of intellect which further results downfall of productivity in social, economical and political grounds.

Now the question raised in Geeta is that how to avoid such cycle leading to degradation of life. Fear is unavoidable situation as we are afraid of things, creatures, even of our loved ones, we are even afraid of life, that we don't want to loose. We can avoid hating people, its very difficult task but if we prepare ourselves to admit our fears and our weakness we can overcome hatred also. Once we are able to avoid hatred we can control our anger and we won't get exposed to depression and stress. Stress free life do not mean happy life but It guarantees peaceful life, state of happiness gets easily achieved in peaceful life.

Above mentioned logic may not be accepted by all of us but that's not my concern :) newer perception and novel ideas are always welcomed.

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Need more gender equality? Look at men….

Amongst political turmoil, Delhi hasn’t forgotten the brave hearted rape victim who embraced death due to heinous act of rape last year. Most recently, media (both electronic and print) came up with various viewpoints on gender and crime against gender whether it is Supreme Court’s judgment on LGBT or sexual harassment allegation against former Justice (Chairmen of Human Rights Commission, Bengal). Gender has become topic of discussion at every corner of this country.
During weekend,  I came across few (my favorite)movies i.e. Dil Chata Hai , Zindgi Na Milegi Dobara and Nautanki Saala  I had already watched these movies number of times before also, but amidst of all these ‘gendered’ news , my interpretation of these movies got moved. Now I have different perception to look at news on gender or gender oriented crimes.
The common element in all these three was male intimacy. By male intimacy I don’t mean to be gay (homosexual orientation has different kind of debate fabric and for time being I want to sideline that) I am talking about the two-three friends who enjoy each other’s company, who work as team, who has differences of ideas but too has acceptance of that differences, who laugh at each other in even in troublesome situations and many more (bachelor) things ;) Why I am sharing this is to show that crime related to gender (especially with females) is related to male intimacy.

Sexual activity is such an act that no one likes share even with closest friend…than what makes three-four guys to have common sexual act (called gang rape). What is that which encourages such acts? Why gender experts are not looking at such relationship between males? What is that in Indian society which makes males to go out of home spent some time with other males at ‘nukkad’? What is that which is making to males to initiate informal (about politics or about cricket) conversations in public spheres (like bus stops, trains etc.).  Of course, all this acts do not lead to crime but it is very much needed to understand that psyche of males groups while we are talking about gender.

Interestingly, no one is talking much about males in gender discourse. Male relationship holds equal importance as females in gender discourse driven by media. It is these male groupism or male circles who (sometimes) encourage and discourage (most of times) crime against women.  Bollywood as well as real life is full of examples where male friends together tease women and at same time respected and protected women (see Sholay).
The relationships between males has its own connotation and needs to be addressed as well as  understood by the media. May be, links from that understanding gives hint out the methods for more gender equality.. 

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