Pain, a wonderful human feeling we all come across being the part of society. Society is basically a web of relationships and we all are connected with each other in various manner. Pain is most human feeling and faced by all irrespective to our culture, climate or social conditions. Interesting questions were raised in mind while I was traveling back to my hometown, a city was being prepared for 10 days Ganesh utsav, a festival of inviting lord of creativity at home as a guest and doing best hospitality to him. What made me to think about pain is the linkages between our ability to create and resolve pain. Religion, of course attribute this capacity to lord Ganesha who comes, absorbs pain and sorrow, and goes away. But is it something psychological or scientific about it? Well, don’t know about it!!
Pain has two connotations i.e. biological and social. Biological is almost clear to all of us that a wound is painful but most of us get confuse by pain created by(in) human relationships. Many of my friends, including me complains about feeling low, or feeling avoided, or feeling unwanted in different situations in different social settings. These things create a feeling popularly understood as ‘hurt’. So what is this pain or hurt?
Our thoughts are product of information we choose to grasp. Humans do not grasp information directly but we use some kind of ‘social lens’ or ‘social filter’ ( our preconceived notions and understanding ) to process this information. These processed information becomes our thoughts. This is why X person viewed in different manner and others view same X person in different manner. For instance, some people thinks me as frank and straightforward person while for others I am rude and blunt. These filtered thoughts becomes part of our personality traits and frames our experiences. For example, I am grown up in surrounding where people don’t trust each other, this information of not trusting people are included in my personality traits and therefore I don’t trust my neighbours or friends. Interestingly, my neighbors or friends may not have information as I had and so they may not have element of doubt in their personality. Such situation creates conflict in relationships when personality traits of one person do not match with others. This conflict if not get resolved, creates a feeling, understood as ‘hurt’ or pain.
Generally, people who gets hurt tries to distract their mind. It’s wrong!! If I got wound, if it is paining hard, and I choose to watch TV to distract mind, will it heal that wound? Obviously no!!! Rather infection of that wound will spread in rest part of my body leading to more pain. Same thing happens when we get hurt by person, we seek healing by deleting or avoiding that thought which not going to help in longer run. Than how can we resolve hurt or pain? Briefly, I share thoughts about resolving pain which may not be true according to all, but objections are always welcomed :)Our capacity to choose between peace and anger while facing unfavorable situation will decide our ability to absorb pain.
- Anger kills creativity, positivity and intellect, stay away from anger and learn to choose peace over anger.
- Do not seek to escape from pain, ‘stress busters’ are myth, do not avoid pain, try to heal pain (remember watching TV or going out for holidays etc. are temporary solutions to avoid pain)
- Think about your own thoughts which is creating pain not about situation or personality which is cause of pain according to you. No situation or personality can hurt you without your permission.
- Never ever think of revenge or tit-for-tat, it’ll waste your time, energy, relationship with self.
- Allow your mind to think creatively when you are hurt, it’s damn difficult but it’s good for soul. ( If I am thrown out of train even by having first class ticket, I would lead a movement, instead of fighting with ticket checker )
- Do not entangle in bad habits or company when you are hurt.
- Avoid sharing your emotions with other people, remember we all have different ‘social lens’ to understand reality. You are only right person to understand your own reality.
- Do not expect someone to come and help you to heal pain, it’ll make you more dependable and not empowered.
- Pain or hurt is great tool for emancipation or self-realization but it can turn to be destructive if not understood and learned properly.
- Finally, do not allow situation or people to hurt you, think about ‘social lens’ of other person who is hurting you. If someone do not offer me chair in party, should I get hurt or should try to get chair….. syam vichar kijiye ( think yourself )