CHOSEN RELATIONSHIPS....

After studying relationships at micro level, I felt that in today’s world trust has become an object which is needed to be gained in order to maintain relationships. It is gained by communicating and sharing common ideas, beliefs and emotions. If trust gained by other means than these , I can surely say that it can be diluted by personal, physical and material interests which cannot maintain relationships for longer period of time.

I have come across many people, on internet whom I haven’t met personally, but they share their personal issues, happiness, ideas etc. with me. What makes them to express their feelings and emotions to a stranger?? Answer first come in my mind was, it’s because of trust. If I recall all my conversations with these stranger friends I found many things about human relationships and its nature.

Most of them are frustrated or irritated by real life relationships for various reasons. Common thing I found among their experience are all relationship which was creating pain to these people are the “chosen” ones.  So it was easy to understand that if we choose a person to be with him/her we are choosing to be in relationship (it can be any, friends, foes, boss, Girlfriend/boyfriend, husband, wife, guide, instructors etc.).

Choices are not permanent and it is derived by certain notions and interest. If you ask yourself, why you like particular person or thing? You will get answer in terms of qualities of that thing or person. It means, we don’t like person, we like qualities in that person.  These liking(s) for qualities are also not spiritual or emotional Its because of our culture, for instance, a guy from rural background of India won’t like qualities of working girl and won’t enter into serious relationship.

We compare everything (even humans) before making choice, these comparisons are made with existing cultural values and social norms, which itself are fluctuating. After some period of time, these values get change and we feel change in relationships. If this changes are handled with maturity, it can lead joyful life else it creates troubles in life of persons which are involved in relationship(s). These changing values, also affects “objectified” trust among people and leads to pain.

Most of us, are not aware about our methods of making choice of relationships, many times we do want or near ones has did, for example in choosing coach or tutor for Mathematics class, we depend on friends choice, which may not necessarily suits our intellect and after attending classes we feel that Mathematics is not taught properly or we are not able understand in proper manner. As far as emotions are not involved in such relations we face “practical” issues rather than “emotional” frustration (which comparatively difficult to cop up).

Briefly, I would like to suggest something which may help us to have joyful relationships with everybody

• Look of qualities which will not change with time and space, don’t look of qualities based on fashion, educational, materialistic values etc.
• Look for the cultural differences, if you have to maturity to respect these differences, go ahead…
• Don’t compare it with others, remember it’s your relations not others, frame it as you like it .
• Listen, understand and talk serious things, it’s boring sometimes but it is needed for longer time
• Don’t escape from problem, face them. Shopping, Movies, Hangouts etc. are ways of escaping from problem.
• Share, without thinking about self.
• Respect, the differences, values and ideas.
• Fight, not to break up but to know real feelings of other person.
• Assess yourself, with complete negativity and match your negativities with others, if it is matched… you are lucky.
• Technology, is a demon eating up your real life, never be obsessed with technological conversations, meet, talk, fight in person not on phone or on internet.
• Don’t romanticize your relationships by comparing with novel, movie or serials, remember life is not fairy tale nor it’s a movie which has happy endings.
• Learn, everything and anything from others with whom you are related.
• No give and take, no tit for tat, no revenge, no competitions relations are not business  
• Keep reading my blog (it’s optional) :D