Why my friend cried after breakup???


I always feel Indian society is like a pendulum which swings between modern and traditional value systems and it is very clearly reflected in human interactions and relationships. This idea has made my studies and life more interesting where I investigate my own self, my interactions and my relationship with rest of the society. I always feel that human relationships are central function of any society which makes society works and so, society is heavily depended on human relationship for its survival.  But for country like India this idea is not so simple, as one of dominant idea of relationship is inclined towards modern value system and at same time the notion or relationship faces traditional externalities. I came across many people (including me) who are facing dilemma between these two value systems.

Liberty or freedom is considered as important part of any human relationship ranging from family to state institutions. In India, this is become complex thing to understand, where giving freedom has two fundamental conceptualization i.e. expanding freedom or constraining freedom. This exists in every relationship, in commonsensical terms; we call this as ‘space’. Expanding freedom is value which comes from modern value system where individual is center to any decision making, where beneficial ideas of the individual are considered as prime in building or breaking any relationship. Relationships in such system are purely instrumental and goal oriented which benefits individual(s) if they are in relationship. These kinds of relationship end up once goal is achieved or purpose is served.

The traditional Indian system does not celebrate these kinds of relationships between individuals. On the contrary it supports expressive relationships which are highly romanticized. Here social conditions determine nature and direction of relationship between two individuals who may not have common goals or mindsets but are expected to live along with each other with no instrumental expectations. Individual freedom or liberty is suppressed with this idea of relationship. May be that’s why marriage is considered as loss of freedom in Indian society ;)

In both cases there exist cases and chances of breakups if two people engaged in serious relationship have different inclination to any of these value system. Let’s take it this way- two person in relationship having different values i.e. expressive versus instrumental relationship, can lead to conflicting situation. Where person with expressive values expect his/her partner to be reserved or possessive while the person with instrumental values expect his/her partner to be open minded and liberal. This conflicting situation always leads to contradictions in relationship. These contradictions are normally resolved by compromise or so called adjustment but original essence of love and trust gets diluted in long run.

Finally, I found three fundamental requirements for every human relationship; I, YOU and US, by US I mean relationship which is attributed to components like trust, communication, bounding, etc. Trust is core component of any relationship, we trust in governmental standard, that’s why we value notes or cards! else notes are pieces of paper and cards are piece of plastic. Trust is first concomitant responsibility that is to be maintained in any kind of relationship. Conflicting values shakes the wall of trust in any value system but it becomes more painful for people who bestow to the traditional expressive forms of relationship. May be that’s most of my friends in India cries after breakup ;)

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