Packaged Parenting

I was having lunch with my faculty colleagues, just trying to survive the afternoon, when the topic of parenting popped up. Again. Except this time, it wasn’t just casual griping about screen time or school fees. It turned into something oddly philosophical. My colleagues, all seasoned parents, started discussing “how we were raised” versus “how we are raising.” And there I was—a new dad, wide-eyed, mildly confused, and deeply conflicted.

I’m a 90s kid. Grew up on a healthy diet of cartoon violence, weekend Doordarshan movies, and the constant fear of being shouted at for no reason. Our parents didn’t negotiate. They didn’t ask how we felt. They didn't even ask why  and what happened in the class. You didn’t get time-outs. You got “the look”—you know, the one that made your soul shiver.

Now, here I am, trying to parent in an age where I’m supposed to gently narrate my toddler’s emotions back to him while she’s screaming because the spoon is the wrong colour. Honestly, it's enough to make a grown man Google “how to make toddlers eat”

But jokes aside, there’s a genuine tension here. And it deserves more than just punchlines.

The Shift: From “Providing” to “Preparing”

One of the most interesting observations in that lunch table conversation was this: our parents provided, but today we’re expected to prepare. That distinction is enormous. Our fathers (and mothers) made sure we were fed, schooled, vaccinated, and clothed decently enough to not get bullied. But they weren’t in the business of unpacking our emotions or “validating our truth.” That wasn’t the expectation.

Now, in an era of relative abundance, the bar has shifted. It’s no longer just about survival. It’s about equipping children to thrive—emotionally, socially, psychologically. It’s about preparing them to be kind and competitive. Resilient and reflective. Which, as any parent will tell you, is a balancing act that often feels like tightrope walking with a mango on your head while a toddler yells “NO!” for the fifth hour straight.

Gentle Parenting: Buzzword or Breakthrough?

Theory (or perception?) “gentle parenting”—the gospel of today’s upper-middle-class parenting circles. You’ve probably heard of it, even if only through social media reels of serene mothers whispering affirmations while their child smears peanut butter on the dog.

In theory, gentle parenting is beautiful. It’s rooted in respect, empathy, and calm communication. It teaches you to connect before you correct. To listen more than you lecture. It’s basically what every therapist wishes your parents had done.

But here’s the thing—it didn’t originate here. It comes from Western psychology, with its individualistic frameworks, nuclear families, and a very different cultural script. When imported wholesale into Indian households—especially ones with grandparents lurking around and neighbours peering through the curtain—it hits some serious roadblocks.

The Desi Dilemma: Culture Meets Concept

In India, parenting is not a solo mission. It’s a team sport. Grandparents, uncles, domestic help, the lady selling vegetables down the street—everyone has a say. And most of them have strong opinions about why your three-year-old should be taught to “listen the first time.”

Try explaining to your parents or in-laws that you're letting your child “process their emotions” instead of disciplining them immediately. Let me know how that goes. (Spoiler: it won’t go well.)

Here’s where the friction becomes real. Gentle parenting asks you to honour your child’s autonomy. But Indian families often prize obedience. Respect, in many cases, is still equated with compliance. So when your toddler is being “expressive,” your relatives might think you’re raising a monster. Or worse—an English NRI.

The Practical Problem: Who Has the Time?

Even if you want to gentle-parent your way through toddlerhood, you’ve got to admit—it’s exhausting. It takes time. And patience. And infinite emotional reserves. And no offence to anyone, but most of us don’t have those on tap at 7:30 AM when we’re trying to pack tiffins, answer emails, and remember where the bottle of milk went.

For working parents, especially in urban India, the ideals of gentle parenting clash dramatically with the rhythm of daily life. You’re expected to be calm and validating, but real life throws curveballs. Power cuts. Traffic jams. Homework meltdowns. Tantrums in public. You either negotiate like a UN diplomat every five minutes or you lose your mind entirely.

Schools and Universities Aren’t Helping, Either

Even if you manage to create a gentle, nurturing environment at home, your kid’s school might still be operating on Victorian principles. Sit straight. Don't talk back. Memorise everything.

Do not question. Obey!

Now imagine your sweet, emotionally-aware child who’s been encouraged to express themselves at home walks into this space. It’s disorienting. Confusing. And sometimes, outright damaging. They learn quickly that the outside world may not be as kind as their parents promised. And as a parent, you’re left wondering—am I raising my child to thrive, or to struggle?

So… What Do We Do?

Let’s be honest. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Gentle parenting is not a magic spell, and traditional parenting is not a villain in a soap opera. Both have their merits. Both have their failures.

What we probably need is a fusion. A model of parenting that doesn’t dismiss our culture but also doesn’t fear evolution. A way to be empathetic without becoming indulgent. To be firm without being fearsome. To raise humans, not just “successful” adults.

Some Indian parents are already doing this. They’re taking the emotional literacy of gentle parenting and blending it with values like familial responsibility and respect. They’re creating space for feelings, but also boundaries. They’re not afraid to say “no,” but they say it without yelling.

It’s messy. It’s slow. But it’s real.

for me, parenting in india is A Work in Progress

Parenting today feels like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the manual—and with a small human repeatedly hiding your screws. There’s no perfect way. Just a series of choices, compromises, and a deep desire to not mess things up too badly.

So if you’re a parent reading this—whether you’re calmly explaining why we don’t throw peas or just trying to survive another bedtime—I see you. You’re doing the impossible. With heart. With humour. With some very questionable snack choices.

And if you’re still wondering whether gentle parenting “works”—maybe the better question is: What kind of adult do I want my child to become? Start from there. And build your own parenting philosophy—brick by careful, chaotic, compassionate brick.